the reality

these days, i keep trying to forget that my uni will start soon. its not because i'm lazy or whatever. i just think i might not be able to cope with the stress. i was so stressed up last semester that i felt i nearly gave up. lucky me ,i didn't. some people just don't have to study a lot and they can do much better than me. i'm not jealous. i just feel unappreciated. for all the work and effort i put in just to do well can be done easily by other people who put in half of what i did. some people ask me "why are u so hardworking?" the answer is "i'm NOT smart , thats why". i still haven't finish my elective report till now. so little left yet i'm trying to runaway from it. i know after i complete it i have to go back to the usual stressful, tiring, killing me slowly life. i didn't even clear the mess on my table after semester 3 exam. till NOW! i keep telling myself i should clean it up for the new sem. i just can't. its not really something that i'm looking forward to.

i don't know why i'm so emotional these days. maybe because i know i won't be that free for my friends anymore when uni starts. i know i won't have much time to have fun and just laze around in the house. and my dad will be happy to see the credit card bill as it would be reduced tremendously. during the 5 weeks study break.. i didn't even go for shopping at ALL! credit card bill was O! no matter how busy i was in A levels, i will still go shopping. sometimes i really doubt if i have the ability to complete my medical degree. do i really have the energy physically and mentally to continue? i'm so reluctant to go to uni.

the trips i went to had been almost perfect. i know i'll miss those days. it might be my source of energy when i'm super stressed up. had a blast in singapore. i just love my angels so much. thanks for making the singapore trip so GOOD! will write about it soon.

i wanna cry but i can't.
time flies but i can't stop it.

my fave emo song lately. rihanna - cry.

My mind is gone
I’m spinnin’ around
And deep inside
My tears I’ll drown
I’m losing grip
What’s happening?
I stray from loveThis is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry